The Good Wife’s Guide
From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955.
*** Oh dear! This world will never stop surprising me.
I was looking the other day some random pics, and I realized that I may have a feministic side of me that I was never thrilled to look into, except now. hehe I bumped myself on an article/guide from a 55’s magazine. Guys would love the idea, women won’t, but it sure makes you laugh. Although afterwards, you may catch yourself thinking some things twice. ***
1) Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Ok, that seems more like the Good –Just Married-Wife’s Guide so far. You don’t want me to believe that a wife would have the same attitude after 15 years of marriage, right? Right?!
2) Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Ha? The King of England is coming? Oh, the ribbon must make the difference…And btw, is the hot slutty secretary included in those “work-weary” fellows?
3) Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Gay? Oh yeah, we are in 1955, that word was innocent back then. Duties?…
4) Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
I can just picture that! A housewife with make up on and a ribbon on her head running around like a maniac with a broom. So Hitchcock like! With the right background tune, that would be a good thriller for me and my pop-corn.
5) During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
I must say that this sounds nice and cosy. But since fireplaces are unlikely to find in a married couple’s cheap flat, he better not start yelling why the A/C is turned on. No electric bills talking! Or else he should get used of the cooold apartment.
6) Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
How about my vibrater? Cause such a tired hubby doesn’t seem to satisfy his wife often. Get what I’m saying? (I’m blinking dammit!) And what on earth should I do with kids? Struggle them? Hide them in the smallest room of the house with a bees nest so they won’t dare to move? They are kids, they need to shout now cause they won’t have that opportunity when they get older and become someone’s wife…
7) Be happy to see him.
Sure…I’ll put a smile on my face. I’ll tape it actually. Twice.
8 ) Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Naaaaah he won’t like what he’ll get.
9) Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
What? And when will I tell him that one of our kids almost die from anaphylactic shock while trying to escape from a room full of bees?
10) Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
Nahh I won’t tell him a thing. The guide is right. Let him get surprised himself.
11) Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
WOW! Stay out all night you said? Could I least give him some condoms or something? Wish him good fucks with random chicks? No? Sure? And what’s wrong with his work? The secretary is bad in bed, ha?
12) Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
When do I stub him with a wooden stake in his heart?
13) Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Last time I saw him he still had hands, he can take his shoes off. If he was 6 and I was his mom maybe I would but not now.It sure doesn’t sound good for a guy with such “prestige”(according to the guide).
14) Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
Sir, yes Sir!
15) A good wife always knows her place.
Yep, in the neighbor’s bed that is…
The moral of this guide is that with shit like that no wonder why the world freaked out in late 60’s.
The guide was published on the 13th of May, 1955 ok? Well I couldn’t help it, so I checked -woman’s intuition works great- and guess what. That day was Friday. Yep, Friday the 13th. See for yourself. So was this some kind of a joke? That would be ..great, but I highly doubt it. Even if this guide was fake, what seems scary, is that just 55 years ago, this wasn’t consider a joke but a reality for most people. And what is even more scary is that worst things than a funny guide for a wife are out there, nowdays, in many places around the world.
Part 2 is coming soon. I have two thoughts about that; either writting “A Good Today’s Wife Guide” or “A Good Husband’s Guide” instead. hmmm 😉